Hotline for the Delusional

Sometimes men call that are truly delusional. I’ve been in this business for over thirteen years and still regularly hear the craziest things I couldn’t make up in a million years. One character last night claimed to have a large penis. Now this in and of itself is not that wild, men regularly claim to have larger members than they really do, but adding a few inches is to be expected. The one last night claimed to be eighteen inches long. Yup, eighteen inches. Not only that, but his balls were larger than grapefruits and he planned to have at least eighty orgasms during our call. You could not make this stuff up.

Now to make things even more comical, he said due to his largess, he required a custom made jock strap to contain this behemoth, and custom made pants as well. I said it must make things awkward for the tailor measuring his inseam. He said it was a seamstress actually, and she liked it. Uh huh. He was a real Guinness Book of World Records man I had on the line. He was also into body building and made a young Arnold Schwarzenegger look tiny. His nickname was “The Stallion.”

I said surely he must have his pick of women falling over themselves to be with him, he claimed he was “very picky” with the women he’d take to bed. I guess he just has to break a lot of hearts. Such is the case with any man that is God’s gift to women, I suppose. You do need a sense of humor in this crazy job, you could not think of such things on your own that are told to you on a daily basis. It’s not boring, that’s for sure. You just need a very high bullshit tolerance to cope with them.

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I Was Felt Up in the Town Square

One of my favorite annual traditions is going to see the town square tree lighting ceremony. The people are usually packed in there pretty tight, and that’s not a problem, you just expect it. This year however I was shocked when I felt my skirt being lifted up from behind and some hands roaming over my buttocks and then slipping into my panties from behind and rubbing my clit. I tried to turn around and move and get away, but it was so tightly packed, I really couldn’t move. It was dark, other than the Christmas lights, and there were lots of children around, so I didn’t want to make a scene and have anyone see anything that could upset them for life. So there I stood, being groped by God knows who.

It sounds awful to be fondled against your will, but I cannot say it didn’t feel good. They knew just how to rub a pussy. I kept trying to turn around and see who it was, but there was no use. There were caroler’s on stage, the lighting of the tree, and there I was getting my clit rubbed in a crowd of many hundreds of people. I just let them do it, it was the easiest thing to do. I knew I was going to cum if they kept it up and I was biting my lip and literally quivering on the verge of an orgasm.

They rubbed me back and forth and back and forth and all of a sudden that orgasm welled up inside of me and I came in a gush. I knew their hand would be soaked and they continued to lightly rub me through my orgasm. Then I felt the hand pull away and the crowd started to break up and there I was, flushed and breathing hard, looking around to see who’d rubbed my pussy. I had no idea. I am sure I never will. What an odd Christmas experience.

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He Sees You When You’re Sleeping, He Knows When You’re Awake

My boyfriend and I always have had an active sex life. I know many people get so busy during the holidays they let their love life slide, but not us. It’s a great way to relieve stress, and we try to have even more sex during December than usual. It doesn’t always have to be some long lovemaking session, but we do our best to relieve stress. So we were fucking in the living room and having a grand old time when we hear this noise in the chimney. I assumed it was squirrels or maybe a raccoon, it’s been known to happen. I laughed and said I’d need to get the chimney guy on the roof to look the next week, so we went back to fucking.

Then all of a sudden Santa Clause pops out of the fire place and is standing right there looking just as surprised as we were seeing him. He sat down in a chair and asked if he could rest a short spell and watch us before heading back out. It was kind of an unexpected request for sure, but hey, it was Santa Claus, not some stranger, so we said sure, enjoy the show.

I bent over and my boyfriend fucked me hard doggy style and I looked over and smiled at Santa as he sat there and watched us with interest. I kind of wondered if he might whip out his cock and begin to masturbate, but he seemed content to watch us, so we were fine with it. My boyfriend came in my pussy and I screamed out in orgasm and we caught our breath and chatted with Santa a while before he pulled some gifts out of his bag for us and then flew back up the chimney. It was an odd Christmas surprise to be sure, but one I’ll never forget.

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Oh, Santa!

I was at a Christmas party a few nights ago and the hosts had hired a Santa for the duration of the party and all the ladies sat on his lap at one point or another and got their pictures taken and he was kind of a naughty Santa, asking if we’d been good or bad this past year. I could see under his fake beard that he looked like a handsome man. As the party was winding down and guests were leaving, I spent a bit more time with him talking and as I got up, he goosed me! I wasn’t upset, I laughed. I said Santa should be on the naughty list himself.

He asked me if I’d like to go home with him, and normally I wouldn’t, but I was lonely, it was late, I was kinda horny, so why not? I said sure, and off we went to his condo not far from where the party was. He took off the Santa suit when we arrived back and put on some jeans and a sweater and with no fake beard, he looked a lot better and younger. We had some eggnog and chatted a while and things eventually turned a bit passionate and we went to his bedroom.

Some people you are just sexually compatible with, and he was one of them. I loved the way he touched my pussy, he really knew his way around a cunt. He was good at touching me and making me squirm for more. His cock was a very good size and filled my hungry pussy up nicely. In one way it was kind of sad to be fucking some stranger dressed as Santa Claus at a party, but it was a nice night, and he was good in bed. He did a very nice job of making me cum several times. I doubt we will ever get together again, but it was a fun Christmastime memory to have.

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The Young Man Next Door

I’ve always been a tease, it’s part of my charm. A few months ago when a new family moved in next door, I had my eye on their teenaged son. He was really cute, but seemed a shy type. I flirted with him a bit even though he was a lot younger than I am. He blushed a few times, it was so cute. Now that it’s Christmas, I decided to gift him a gift. A gift he never asked for, but one I bet he would like very much. His bedroom window faces mine and I’ve left the curtains open every night this month as I undressed. I have paraded around naked and spent time in front of the window to make sure he has a good view of me.

I tried on a new Christmas dress I got myself and spent time putting on some pretty matching lingerie underneath it and I could just feel him watching me. I bet he’s been jerking off like mad as he’s watched me the last week. I know how they masturbate like fiends at that age, I sure did. Our neighborhood had a Christmas open house for participating households that are beautifully decorated and I signed up, it’s like a tour of neighborhood homes around the block kind of thing. He came by and I invited him into a more quiet room for some eggnog.

I made my move. He was enjoying the strong eggnog and we were sitting next to one another making small talk and I reached over and kissed him. The look on his face was priceless. I pointed up and said we were under some mistletoe. Then I reached down and started to rub his crotch and he was hard instantly. I leaned down and took his young cock in my mouth and gave him a blow job. He said very little, I think he was too shy to do much, but he moaned and seemed to enjoy it. He came, I swallowed, he finished his eggnog and left to go to the next tour next door. His parents gave me an odd look, but said nothing. I do so love Christmas.

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